I applied for two new jobs today. Getting real. I also got a new phone (like 4 days ago?), crazy! Good bye iphone 3g(s?). Welcome to new age phones that are pretty much too big, but whatevs. One plus one for anyone that's interested. Although I'll try to post a pic of both phones side by side.
On a much more sobering note.
.......
Read the link above please. I am not jaded about humanity, I just have no hope in it. But there is hope in Christ. If you don't like this line then I'm sorry. Maybe we can discuss it at some point? I think it sounds much harsher than I actually feel, but that really is more or less my baseline. And how can it not be when I hear about these kinds of things, and I know that everyone is capable of it to an extent. If we take Jesus' words seriously in Matthew 5, then I myself have done the same. Ugh...
Thanks be to God for His Son. Seriously... prayers. But I hate people posting on fbook omg this is terrible. You know what, open your eyes! And don't give me some crap on fbook on oooo look at me doing something, omg I'm so sad cause of some event, now I'm doing something so fun again or whatever. If you're affected by it, be affected by it! Pray about it! Take it seriously. Talk to your friends about it. Don't think that doing something stupid on fbook like your status all of a sudden makes a difference. Make it intentional. Reach out one on one. Don't assume fbook is enough, but scream out into your community prayer! And see it happen! I dunno...
But to be fair, I'm sure it does help to post it. If it helps one person gain awareness, then my ranting is stupid cause it's built on so many assumptions. Haha.
I am happy, and yet I am so sad. God... help us please.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Sunday, August 17, 2014
1 Week
Mise-en-Place I've realized over the past couple weeks that I love having a clean kitchen. In fact... I really do like cooking. Wow... it's just so cool. I need to get better tho, and start to cook more of a variety of things.
Wow... so cute.
What is up? I actually don't have anything deep or profound to say or share. And as I'm writing this, I've got a headache because I'm sleep deprived. Crazy.
Another realization, I like order for the most part. Chaos in small doses. I also like being busy.
I also really love my church. Every sunday service there's a prayer session for the community or whatever needs have been shared or for whatever ministry shared some updates. Today the prayer was focused on the world, and all the crazy things going on. That was a clincher of hey, this church shares the heart for things I see. This church.... is in many ways what I hope for more churches to be like.
God thank you for saving me. Thank you for so many things. But let me stay humble. And let me be rooted in prayer.
My small group leader this past Thursday really reminded me of the importance of prayer, and trusting in God fully. Whoah.
So many whoah's... Sleep well friends.
Oh prayers appreciated for my job situation too! I think I'm going to start applying elsewhere, but I just got a promotion and a small raise... but I think they should be paying more, I just don't feel comfortable pushing the limits because I don't know what the limits are... Navigating salary is so difficult. Such a freaking headache. Ugh. Any tips would be super duper appreciated. I guess I can try to get another offer, and negotiate. But I'm sure that if I stay, come next review in like February/March, I could ask for another raise and get it. I dunno tho... it's really just sort of complicated/annoying. But real talk, I'm just getting bored and I feel underutilized. Both are bad things. I know I'm underpaid, I'm bored, I feel underutilized. Yet... it's a chill job. They sent me to Asia, and if I might be able to go again. I can work home whenever I want, although I rarely do. I should tho. Just go somewhere, but I need to have the ability to have quiet to make phone calls if necessary. Ugh that's the real hard part. They also paid for some classes I took. Maybe I should try to take some more classes... hmmm. I actually don't mind my job too much when it comes down to it (although some days I just want to scream).I guess I just want to feel the waters. But the job market in C'ville is not exactly that wide... Oh well. TBD cause too much to think about right now.
I also really want to do a hyperlapse video ahh.
Wow... so cute.
What is up? I actually don't have anything deep or profound to say or share. And as I'm writing this, I've got a headache because I'm sleep deprived. Crazy.
Another realization, I like order for the most part. Chaos in small doses. I also like being busy.
I also really love my church. Every sunday service there's a prayer session for the community or whatever needs have been shared or for whatever ministry shared some updates. Today the prayer was focused on the world, and all the crazy things going on. That was a clincher of hey, this church shares the heart for things I see. This church.... is in many ways what I hope for more churches to be like.
God thank you for saving me. Thank you for so many things. But let me stay humble. And let me be rooted in prayer.
My small group leader this past Thursday really reminded me of the importance of prayer, and trusting in God fully. Whoah.
So many whoah's... Sleep well friends.
Oh prayers appreciated for my job situation too! I think I'm going to start applying elsewhere, but I just got a promotion and a small raise... but I think they should be paying more, I just don't feel comfortable pushing the limits because I don't know what the limits are... Navigating salary is so difficult. Such a freaking headache. Ugh. Any tips would be super duper appreciated. I guess I can try to get another offer, and negotiate. But I'm sure that if I stay, come next review in like February/March, I could ask for another raise and get it. I dunno tho... it's really just sort of complicated/annoying. But real talk, I'm just getting bored and I feel underutilized. Both are bad things. I know I'm underpaid, I'm bored, I feel underutilized. Yet... it's a chill job. They sent me to Asia, and if I might be able to go again. I can work home whenever I want, although I rarely do. I should tho. Just go somewhere, but I need to have the ability to have quiet to make phone calls if necessary. Ugh that's the real hard part. They also paid for some classes I took. Maybe I should try to take some more classes... hmmm. I actually don't mind my job too much when it comes down to it (although some days I just want to scream).I guess I just want to feel the waters. But the job market in C'ville is not exactly that wide... Oh well. TBD cause too much to think about right now.
I also really want to do a hyperlapse video ahh.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Birdy
Overwhelming the feels. She's so amazing. Sigh.
I think there's an emotional/mental/physical limit that I am fast approaching... Emotionally and mentally due to quite possibly some of the biggest decisions I've made in recent years/maybe my life? Okay, life might be a stretch but at the very least it feels that way. Physically cause either I'm not sleeping well or maybe I should sleep more, but either way my body is like yoooo...zzz...
Ugh.
Small update. I was asked this past Monday (3 days ago) to consider serving in Japan for a year. From September to July, and the missionary couple said if I wanted to stay longer they'd love it. Well I guess as long as they like me, right?
Aka I have less than a week to decide in order to give enough time to quit my company. Aka so many life decisions on hold? Aka... testing my character? Aka... so befuddled. Ugh.
My life could be a drama for the past two months says a friend.
My Manic Merling Menagerie filled with Many Marklings Mucking Mayhem Marvelously.
Except there's only one Markling. Lolol. Making myself laugh is a healthy skill I think.
So many things that I weigh in my mind. And ultimately I just sorta stare into space asking God for clarity. The person who told me about the opportunity prayed for me and was like God would you speak to him through Your Word and his dreams. And I'm like dude... God if you spoke to me in my dreams, that'd be pretty cool and helpful and simple and amazing and a blessing. It's never happened to me before, and now would be a pretty cool time for it to happen. Just saying in a human way that might be blaspheming on some level. Forgive me.
I think there's an emotional/mental/physical limit that I am fast approaching... Emotionally and mentally due to quite possibly some of the biggest decisions I've made in recent years/maybe my life? Okay, life might be a stretch but at the very least it feels that way. Physically cause either I'm not sleeping well or maybe I should sleep more, but either way my body is like yoooo...zzz...
Ugh.
Small update. I was asked this past Monday (3 days ago) to consider serving in Japan for a year. From September to July, and the missionary couple said if I wanted to stay longer they'd love it. Well I guess as long as they like me, right?
Aka I have less than a week to decide in order to give enough time to quit my company. Aka so many life decisions on hold? Aka... testing my character? Aka... so befuddled. Ugh.
My life could be a drama for the past two months says a friend.
My Manic Merling Menagerie filled with Many Marklings Mucking Mayhem Marvelously.
Except there's only one Markling. Lolol. Making myself laugh is a healthy skill I think.
So many things that I weigh in my mind. And ultimately I just sorta stare into space asking God for clarity. The person who told me about the opportunity prayed for me and was like God would you speak to him through Your Word and his dreams. And I'm like dude... God if you spoke to me in my dreams, that'd be pretty cool and helpful and simple and amazing and a blessing. It's never happened to me before, and now would be a pretty cool time for it to happen. Just saying in a human way that might be blaspheming on some level. Forgive me.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Curve balls
I think God's got jokes. Like serious jokes. Like OMG I'm so funny kind of jokes...
For example, I've been praying for clarity for the past little over a month in a specific situation/area of my life and sometime before that in reflection/preparation for that. And then He's like "You want clarity? Riddle me this, young one."
And all I can say is "WHATTTTTTT IS GOING ONNNNN??!!!!!!!"
Ugh. I mean thank you God, but ugh.
For example, I've been praying for clarity for the past little over a month in a specific situation/area of my life and sometime before that in reflection/preparation for that. And then He's like "You want clarity? Riddle me this, young one."
And all I can say is "WHATTTTTTT IS GOING ONNNNN??!!!!!!!"
Ugh. I mean thank you God, but ugh.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Uncleanliness
It's interesting how many laws are written in the Old Testament about cleanliness. Some that seem serious and some that seem trivial in our eyes. But it seems like a very public, a very community thing. For better or worse. How could it be worse? Cause not everyone is going to be loving or forgiving or whatever you want to fill in. Yet, it's beautiful. There is accountability, there is real community. There is real desire for holiness, for God although... maybe legalistic?
This is the first time this has really hit me while reading Deuteronomy. So if you've read this before or made this observation please forgive me. But having to go out of the city at those times for the day or whatever period of time because you have been deemed unclean, that's crazy if you really think about it. At least to me it is. Of course not everyone will know the reason you have to leave cause it could have been for any number of things, but I wonder do you walk out in the middle of the street? Darting from shadow to shadow? Haha.
Or not just leaving the community, but covering your poop in a certain manner. So many different things regulated/thought about. Almost every action must be pre-meditated. Gosh... must have been hard to live yolo haha.
A Godly community... like a real Godly one. Crazy to imagine. Like crazy in a wow, I wonder what it's like way. Heaven scares and excites me on so many levels. Sigh this wedding man was all like God saying to me, yo remember Me. Love Me. Serve Me. Follow Me. Worship Me. And I'm like whoah... when did my focus shift? Gottemz. Let me truly treasure this gift of life, in a good and a pleasing way. A super aha moment... as I forgot my mom's bday even though I made it part of my password to remember it... gg. I just suck with bdays. If I forgot yours, it's nothing personal.
I also was reminded that there are free online classes I want to take. Time to seize the day.
And I just realized... maybe I will just move to the Philippines one day. If all else fails, I could just work from there for SNL and still get paid a USA salary. Work night shifts and hate my life, but explore Asia. You can get tickets from there to Korea for less $100!! I would be Asia master within a year. And then I'd have burnout from night shift haha. And come back to the USA.
Pics to be uploaded... eventually. I think I give up on this pic a day thing. Maybe after I move and things get finalized. Ahhh. I'm moving today. Ahh I still don't have a place to live. Ahhh, my heart goes through so many ups and downs... I wonder what the breaking point is. Or maybe there isn't a breaking point? I know not.
This is the first time this has really hit me while reading Deuteronomy. So if you've read this before or made this observation please forgive me. But having to go out of the city at those times for the day or whatever period of time because you have been deemed unclean, that's crazy if you really think about it. At least to me it is. Of course not everyone will know the reason you have to leave cause it could have been for any number of things, but I wonder do you walk out in the middle of the street? Darting from shadow to shadow? Haha.
Or not just leaving the community, but covering your poop in a certain manner. So many different things regulated/thought about. Almost every action must be pre-meditated. Gosh... must have been hard to live yolo haha.
A Godly community... like a real Godly one. Crazy to imagine. Like crazy in a wow, I wonder what it's like way. Heaven scares and excites me on so many levels. Sigh this wedding man was all like God saying to me, yo remember Me. Love Me. Serve Me. Follow Me. Worship Me. And I'm like whoah... when did my focus shift? Gottemz. Let me truly treasure this gift of life, in a good and a pleasing way. A super aha moment... as I forgot my mom's bday even though I made it part of my password to remember it... gg. I just suck with bdays. If I forgot yours, it's nothing personal.
I also was reminded that there are free online classes I want to take. Time to seize the day.
And I just realized... maybe I will just move to the Philippines one day. If all else fails, I could just work from there for SNL and still get paid a USA salary. Work night shifts and hate my life, but explore Asia. You can get tickets from there to Korea for less $100!! I would be Asia master within a year. And then I'd have burnout from night shift haha. And come back to the USA.
Pics to be uploaded... eventually. I think I give up on this pic a day thing. Maybe after I move and things get finalized. Ahhh. I'm moving today. Ahh I still don't have a place to live. Ahhh, my heart goes through so many ups and downs... I wonder what the breaking point is. Or maybe there isn't a breaking point? I know not.
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