Tomorrow's freedom is today's surrender. One line from a song I just heard... Truth my friends. Truth.
I'll try to share some more about the retreat tomorrow, my personal highlights. I'm afraid there are somethings I won't write here. If you ask me in person, would I share? Quite possibly. And quite possibly not. :p
Couple quick things to share.
I was a co-leader for a station in Pilgrim's Progress at Spring Retreat that was called the Cross Carrying Station. It was pretty tiring. But it was humbling watching others carry it. It was humbling having to carry it so much myself. It was beautiful and painful.
At the end, the edges of the wooden cross, had dug lines across both my wrists from carrying it countless times. The slight abrasions criss-crossing about my wrists just caught my eyes, and I stared. For me, they reflected the countless times I wanted to cut myself. The countless times I would grab a knife and just hold it there. But they pointed not to my suffering this time ultimately, but to Jesus' suffering. His physical suffering, which I can only understand a fraction. To His spiritual suffering in the sense of the wrath of God, which I can only understand in part... God thank you. Thank you for letting me live. For saving me. For allowing me to come to faith. For protecting me. For forgiving me. For convicting me about my sin. For allowing and challenging me to grow, as well as die to myself. God, I can see how I've changed, and I know for a fact there's a super long journey ahead. And as much as I hate it at times, as much as I just want to die and just get out of this world, I will go Lord. I will continue.
I was somewhat sad coming back to C'ville. This is the first time in four years... I won't be going to Little Lights during a spring break. 4 years... good run man. I doubt anyone there remembers me (sorta goes with my personality of being forgettable, but the memories I have will remain with me forever). But what's even more powerful than me going (which quite possibly has caused more damage than good) is the desire to continue to pray, and donate money to them. Donating, but in reality just re-gifting what God has gifted me with.
Coming home to my apt was sorta sad because... being surrounded people seeking after God. Being in that community is powerful. And now it's just me again haha. But reality, it's all good. Reminders to continually turn back to God. And to just go before God. Am I experiencing a retreat high? Yes, I'm sure it's there. But am I also convicted in many ways? Yes. Time will tell though as always.
My caffeine intake over the past weekend is probably higher than all I've ingested this year so far. Lolz... worth tho.
This song... hits. why? The brutal
honesty. No covering it up, no half truths. Just straight up, both about the
situation, and his lack of knowledge. This guy's lyrics in other songs are masterful my friend.
Random: If you use feedly, my blog name does not automatically update. If
you would like to update it, I think you have to unfollow my blog and then
refollow it. It is the same exact url tho, so pretty straight forward. It's just changing boy to man in the title tho, so not really any big deal.
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