Diificulties

Please don't take the last post too seriously. I don't think that such a manner of thought can be treated as black and white as I originally felt. And I think the reason the nature of the post has been on my mind on and off is because I haven't fully fleshed it out. I feel like it would take a huge essay for me to finally arrive at a conclusion that would give me some measure of peace. Haha. Maybe one day, so there's a lot of truth in it, but something is slightly off that's bugging me.

I learned today, I have a lot of anxiety for some reason. And I'm not sure about what. I need to be busy. Or I need to be doing something. Otherwise it starts to well up inside me... sorta sad. When I did become such a busy body or something. What happened to just sitting... Not that I don't sit. I do, but I wonder why I've become like this. It's really annoying. Granted I have lot to do/should be doing/would like to do. But that anxiety doe... so dumb. Just get outttttttt.

On a separate but cool note. I'm going to the Philippines sometime in late April or May, I do want to see graduation though so we'll see the final details. Work is going to pay for me to travel there and help train two people. Sick deals. Why? Free plane ticket to Asia for the first time ever. Yes, I've never been. That being said, I need to make sure my passport is up to date/find it. But ya guys... hoping to stop by in CA on the way there, and Hong Kong one weekend. Stop by some sick beach CL told me to stop by. And Japan!!!!!! Prob nah to Korea, but one day I would like to go. Yes... I'm looking forward to this trip more for personal enjoyment than anything because I will be working a night shift there and training two people, boo. Buttttt traveling. Too cool. Although... I plan on job searching soon-ish so feel slightly bad.

And I've gotten pretty good at making steaks, at least in a cast iron grill pan. Perfected? Not quite, but made delishly good? Yes. If you buy it, I'll cook it hands down. Or maybe I'll buy it for you, if there's a good enough reason. I do enjoy cooking it quite a lot Maybe I'm just getting cocky, but the steaks I made tonight were pretty good. All those youtube cooking videos not wasted. Especially cause earlier this week, I tried to make bread, and it lowered my confidence cause was quite bad (... makes me sad to think about it).

But lots to think about friends. TC made a comment today at dinner that if he knew anybody that would be living as a free lance photo journalist, he said it'd be me haha. And man... would I love it. At leas the romantic, following your dreams, living for the moment aspect. The scrounging for food, barely paying rent, questioning my existence, until I get that photo that just reminds me why I committed myself to do this cycle, would be rough. Worth it? Nah... not for my whole vision of life. Or is it... haha. Not good enough skill wise tho fo real. Sigh. Need to sleep. I should write these earlier. Lol.